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Ducks Drop A Goose Egg On The Divemobile

Jose Theodore's mullet in critical condition after being scorched by goal light!

(5/9/06) Hockey fans across North America tuned into Game One of the NHL Western Semifinals last night, expecting to see a hockey game.

What they got, however, was the baptism scene from The Godfather, with the Ducks playing the part of the Corleone Family, and the Dives playing the part of... a lot of dead guys. Oh, and coincidentally, the part of Michael Corleone was played by none other than Teemu Selanne, who treated his former team the way Patrick Roy treats a mouthy toaster.

Selanne was sick, notching a goal and two assists. For those of us who last saw him meandering lackadaisically around the bottle-littered ice at the Pepsi Center, last night was mind-boggling. One must come to the conclusion that Selanne, like many players who have passed through Denver, simply did not want to play like this for Colorado and their rotten, classless, bottle throwing Avsmonkey fans.

A few weeks before the playoffs started, 950 AM blockhead Marc Moser hosted a show in which numerous Avsmonkeys called in and admitted to exactly what this site has been saying for years: that Avalanche fans are shameless, frontrunning bandwagoners. The Divemobile filled up for a while last week after the Dives rolled past the sleepwalking Stars, but we smell another exodus brewing this morning. What the Ducks did to the Dives last night is illegal in many southern states. The league should be forced to issue an apology to those whose children may have witnessed it.

Just in from the Boo Hoo Department: The Dives and their media enablers are trying to blame Friday's 5-0 loss entirely on a hit that Andrew Brunette took, (which, now that they mention it, bore an eerie resemblance to a hit that Steve Moore once put on Marcus Naslund). In the wake of the Moore/Bertuzzi incident, the Avsmonkey Nation believes that any hit to their players should result in play being stopped, the game being awarded to the Avs, and the enemy player being sent to prison. Errr, waitaminute... they've always believed that. Never mind.

Strangely, only a few days ago the same Avalanche fans now whining about Brunette getting hit CHEERED AND CLAPPED LIKE RETARDED MONKEYS AFTER BRETT CLARK NEARLY DECAPITATED MIKE MODANO.

Other notes: Dan Hinote tripped over his feet and fell into the back of the net. It was funny. To his credit, Hinote laughed at himself. If it'd been any other player, the Avsmonkey Nation would've demanded that play to be stopped, the game be awarded to the Avs, and the net be sent to prison.

Our Call: The Ducks are an okay team, and they looked, well... okay on Friday. But they have no business being on the same ice as the mighty Colorado Avalanche. Colorado will win Game Two and coast to a 4-1 series victory on their way to a third Stanley Cup!

Get ready to party, Denver... Stanley is coming back to the Home of Ice Hockey!



all stolen from divealance.com

ps yes i know abiesher is now on the Habs but i still think its a funny pic